AFWWWWWWWWWWWIKAAAAAAA

lipstique — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 17:08:35 +0000

i have no intention of reviving this stupid blog. if you’re reading this, and you don’t remember writing this, then perhaps you clicked a wrong link.

i am on the verge of something “bad”. Yes, “very bad”. I do not know how to describe it. everytime i tihnk about it, my bloodstream will freeze for a brief moment, and the sudden change in body temperature can leave a scratch on my bones. leave as many scratches you want, you biatch. tempt me to resort to self-pity. push me to the edge of the cliff, only to stop and walk away, you biatch. watching myself do the dirt work gives you pleasure huh? well.. it gives me pleasure too. so screw you, its a win-win situation. im masochistic. i torture myself with “emotional roller-coaster” rides all the time. most of them have a 50/50 chance of becoming reality you know? most people choose to remain optimistic. i choose to remain pessimistic even if the chances of something you don’t want to happen is low. i am not being specific here. im being very general. im not referring to any event in particular.

bathing myself inself-pity; really, sometimes i put myself in people’s shoes too much. i am too reactive for my own good. i saw my father looking at something, staring in fact. at nothing. i put myself into his shoes and i felt very sad. i wanted to go up to him and hug him, even if i did no know whats bothering him. i want to ask him whats bothering him. but im such a pathetic mood right now. im afraid i will break down even before i finish my question. am i exaggerating what he is feeling right now? i hope so, cos i feel so sad right now. onot emoing as so many people like to put it. i feel genuinely sad, like dying. its the same everywhere i go. i feel so weak right now, i feel so helpless and useless. i am.

will there be a day when my dad comes up to me and tell me i will know how he is feeling if i “wake up one day and find myself next to my bed in a crib.”

maybe i will never get the chance to do what i want to do, but i want to help others do what they want to do.

regrets

lipstique — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 12:17:11 +0000

bad luck at every turn i take. making wrong decisions everytime i try to solve problems. the bigger the decision, the worse the decision. with each passing day, i feel lost. but i cant do anything about it. cos its too late. and i dont want to cause confusion anymore.

thanks

lipstique — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 14:38:49 +0000

i was hot-so hot-and you gave me ice. wet melting ice

regret

lipstique — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 15:15:38 +0000

i always regret doing stuff after doing them. If only i can turn back time once a while. Then maybe it will still be ok.

lipstique — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:15:25 +0000

I’m damn pissed. I’m damn confused. I’m damn sad. Argh. Everything is falling apart. I can’t stand it anymore. The last time I felt this way was more than 10 years ago.

Everything is so screwed up, but I can’t do anything about it. There’s always something or someone screwing things up for me. For the rest of the time, I’m screwing myself. Not literally.

I’m not used to pouring my emotions and problems out to people around me. I prefer to tackle problems myself. But I always end up ignoring or running away from the problems.

I have to face these problems myself, but I’m helpless. Furthermore, there is no one out there who has the ability to help me. I used to be able to pick myself up whenever I fall. But this time, I think I’m going to fall right through the ground, six feet under, into dead silence.

I only have one last wish. I hope my fall will not implicate others. But if it does, then blame it on me la.

13th October 2007 23.57

lipstique — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 15:57:14 +0000

the smell of your hair lingers in the air

i tried “memorising” it

and i did

For now …

i’m just waiting for something to happen …

shine

lipstique — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 03:49:22 +0000

the lightsticks were still shining when i got home… but will it shine forever?

hong gan ar!

lipstique — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 09:08:35 +0000

hong gan ar!

lol

zzz

wtf… im mad

lipstique — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 18:45:24 +0000

argh.. econs tmr

i have fixed depression and variable depression…

the fixed one is always fixed

but the variable one changes…

its 2.42am and im reading blogs…

wtf…

i should go sleep

but i have to pay the variable depression costs…

seems like my average happiness is lower than my average depression…

but as long as my average happiness is higher than my average variable depression… i will continue to live my life… but my average happiness is going to go lower over the next few days… wonder what will happen when it goes below average variable depression… will i shut down?

i guess i better start first degree price discrimination so as to earn normal profits… but im not a monopoly…

wtf…

im mad…

lipstique — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 03:58:10 +0000

i guess i can be crude sometimes…

i can made offensive remarks

can you?

crap